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"No one knows what's next, but everybody does it"----- George Carlin

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."- E.B. White

cindersk:

rolandofeld:

The sass is strong in Disney.

The truly magical moments of Disney.

Anonymous said: I'm at work and I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry, can you say something funny?

xekstrin:

mylife-beliike:

i-do-it-for-the-lesbians:

ONE TIME AT SCHOOL LET ME REMIND YOU I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL SO THEY ALL WEAR SHOIRT ASS SKIRTS OKAY SO ONE TIME THIS GIRL LIKE TRIPPED AND HER SKIRT FLEW UP AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE TIFFANH GO FUCKING HELP HER UP AND I WAS LIKE PARALYZED STARING AT HER ASS AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN AND SHE LITERALLY HIT ME WITH A BIBLE AND I HAVE NO REGRETS NONE

This kills me every time

"TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN"

kayliesaurusrex:

gambleorcs:

I was trying to explain to my grandma what being bisexual meant and saying that I looked at ladies butts and she was all
"You’re not GAY everyone checks out ladies rear ends" and my sister was like "I have never wanted to look at a ladies butt"
Later my grandma called me and was like “I THINK I MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY”

BEST GRANDMA STORY

trusthim:

This makes me so emotional. Mrs Weasley knew the Dursleys wouldn’t visit and that Harry’s got no other family and to hER HES PRACTICALLY HER SON SOMEONE HOLD ME

"Kids, there are two big days in any love story, the day you meet the girl of your dreams; and the day you marry her."

themarysue:

mingdoyle:

(+)

Remember, girls: Definitely don’t even! Just turn right back around. Zip!

FULL UP.